Every so often I wake up before my body does, and it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m completely conscious, with no control of my body movements. I want to scream, but I can’t. I just had one of these episodes, and all I wanted was the light. I needed to see what was in the darkness. Apparently there are ways to control such a thing, through sleep exercises and lucid dreaming. I can’t seem to train myself though. So I prepare for the next one, and hope that the light is already on, or that the sun is already shining through my window.
Tomorrow I’m staying in bed, watching black and white films, reading “For Whom The Bell Tolls”, eating whatever is left in the pantry, and pretending that my life isn’t falling apart.